You just called me and before I could say ‘hello’ you started to scold me saying that I never call home.
“Why don’t you call home ever?”, you yelled at me.
I felt your punch straight to my face.
I tried to surpass your angry words and pretend that I haven’t done anything wrong.
I had a short fake laugh and said, “oh! Really?”
But you didn’t stop. You kept hollering at me making different complaints.
“You don’t call ever.”
“You don’t miss us.”
“You don’t care about us.”
“You don’t share anything with us.”
I could imagine you must’ve turned into a red-hot fireball while oozing out these words. While on the other end, I could sense my ears going numb.
Well, that shot me straight to the left side of my chest. I felt you striking my head with sharp edge of a weapon. I wanted to defend myself from your sudden attack but I couldn’t. Or say I wasn’t authorized to do that. I just had to stay there leaving my body for you to accept whatever you wanted to do. Cause you are my mother who handed me this beautiful life and you have every right, every authority over me.
Later, I had to say anything at least. For that moment, my mind had to act like a processor with ultimate speed. It had to make up a relevant reason as soon as possible. And I finally said, “I stay busy all day and the tiredness makes me sleep too soon.”
Then, there’s your emotional sarcasm making its way towards me.
I heard you saying something sarcastically, “Oh! Yes my son has grown up now. You have a job now. A busy life and earns himself. I delivered you to this world, grew you up and now you’ve grown to become independent. How would you manage time to contact home? Why would you bother yourself calling us? I wonder what would you be like after getting married?”
This time you poked my heart with a red-hot knife. You hammered me. You whacked me literally. My heart started crying in deep pain. It was banging my chest trying to get down the wall and escape. Afflicted, I was.
I just wanted to dispatch a flood of legitimate answers to all of your questions through the telephone wire. Wanted to make you understand everything. But, alas, I was unable. I had no any trustworthy replies in my mind for you.
I was unable to route a single word.
Not only the time that I couldn’t manage, you also complained about the Love, care and responsibility towards you. Just because I didn’t call you, you prepared your mind saying that I don’t care you or I don’t love you enough.
Well, is it the only factor to measure the love for a person? Is it enough? Hmm?
I’m sorry to say, you are totally wrong.
After those heartbreaking complaints from your side I had to make up something and cut the call at that very moment because I couldn’t stand it not even for a second.
Then, I had to play ‘statue’ game with myself. I just froze in my position being startled and letting my innocent mind bear up few more pressure of the words erupting through my heart.
Can’t you understand by yourself? Doesn’t your heart say how much your children love you? Ok! Fine, we don’t call you regularly. That’s our mistake. But, making a verdict just because of this tiny reason isn’t a justice to us. You say you love us more than yourself because we are your blood. Then, how can you doubt over our love to someone who have done so much for us, who have digested enough pain turning us from an embryo to a human being.
I sometime wonder how to make you feel our love for you, how to make you understand, how to make you sure, how to explain you? There are no words to say how much we care for you and how our heart jumps in happiness seeing a smile on your face. I can’t explain how my eyes turn wet just thinking about your happiness. We don’t show it though.
Mom/Dad, you’ve done a lot for us. We owe you very much. But, don’t worry, a time will come when we’ll return all your favor, when you’ll have a lovely smile seeing us in front of you, you’ll be proud to have us as your descendants and when you’ll identify yourself to others saying, “yes, I’m his/her mother/father.””