‘I’ am neither a theist nor an atheist. God neither exist nor ‘doesn’t exist’ for ‘me’. ‘I’ neither have seen nor felt God. ‘I’ neither love nor hate God. ‘I’ neither have belief in theism nor the disbelief.
Because ‘I’ am a human being. Better to say, the word ‘I’ represents ‘human beings’.
I choose the time and conditions to be a theist. For me, there are times when I should believe in theism, I try to be a theist or feel the existence of God. However, there are times when I strongly feel this disbelief in theism. I become a pure atheist and the existence of God is simply an imaginary thing. Yes! This belief depends upon my conditions. I am living a hypocrite life actually, acting in contradiction with my own religious belief.
The reason is; me being a human being. I am so egoist even when it comes to theism or God. Whenever I am happy, whenever I achieve something or I’m going through a good time, I say, “Thank God.” God indeed exist for me at that moment. I feel like I am witnessing God everywhere, everywhere around me and in everything. But, whenever I go through a bad time, God is just another deceiving thing for me. God is no one but just something upon whom I do bad-mouthing. I put all the blame to God and make myself a clean man. More surprisingly, I may think that the good things that happen to me are just because of my own doings but the bad things are just because of God not being there for me.
A good thing may be a blessing but a bad one a curse from God.
I am so selfish, aren’t I? You know why? Because I am a human being and I was born to be like this.
I wonder what should I be like when I go through a bad/good time in life. Do I suppose to accept the fact that whatever I am facing in my current life are only because of my own doings or are they because of blessing/curse from God? The question is unanswered all the time.