Please don’t get shocked getting this letter from your son out of the blue.
You must be very confused at the moment, right?
Sorry for putting you in such condition.
I never thought that I could express whatever I have in my heart for you. Today I am doing this, that too, being dependent on this piece of paper, few drops of ink and the words scribbled on it. See, how impotent I am. I don’t know what stops me from opening my heart and laying it down in front of you; hesitation, fear or embarrassment; I don’t know.
You know what? I become jealous sometimes seeing those western people and their family relationships in the Hollywood movies. Those hugs, kisses and open conversation fascinate me a lot. How I wish we could behave the same.
You remember that day when you had bought a bicycle for me in my childhood? Well, that day I knew what happiness means.
You remember that Dashain when you bought new clothes for everyone of us leaving yourself? Well, that day I knew what sacrifice means.
You remember that day when you came to my school and argued to the principal just because he had slapped me for some reason? Well, that day I knew what love means.
You remember that day when you had returned home from abroad, you’d become so lean and thin? Well, that day I knew what being hurt means.
Actually, I get to know all about these things everyday and every time from Mom but yours was of a different kind. Complicated, unexpressed, unrevealed and truly immense.
So far, I have found different personalities hidden within you. I see different characters in you every time, unlike Mom who is always a person with unconditional love and care.
In my early childhood, when you used to come home in vacations, I didn’t know you. I used to call you ‘Dad’ just because Mom used to ask me to do so. But, that time, I didn’t know what ‘Dad’ means. For me, Dad was just a stranger who used to visit our home occasionally.
Later, when I gained consciousness, I knew that you were a part of our family. You had every right as Mom. But, I used to get confused why only Mom loves me so much. Why not you? Is Dad someone who doesn’t know how to love? I used to think.
Then, I grew up, I got the knowledge about mother and father, the biological relationship, how I was born and all. I knew the reason behind your occasional visit to the home. I knew how we all were surviving back in the home, how we were able to go to school and how we were able to cover ourselves with new clothes and eat good food during festivals. I knew how we were able to migrate to town and build a house. I knew who was behind all of these.
That day I knew what a superhero means.
Now I know who you are, I am scared of being a Father in my future. I don’t know if I will be able to be like you because till now, sacrificing own happiness for the sake of others’ hasn’t been my expertise.
You have spent more than half of your life being away from us just to make sure that we, back in the home are able to fill our tummies well.
You have murdered lots of dreams and wishes within yourself just to make sure that we, back in the home are able to grab the same.
You have been saving bit by bit since we born just to make sure that we can be well-educated which you couldn’t be.
You have been tremendously great.
You know I call you only on two occasions. One is ‘Father’s Day’ and the other is ‘when I need money’. But still, you don’t care about that and the love is always immense even though it’s unexpressed.
I am truly blessed. Thank you for everything.